"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries."
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on."
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."