"I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement."
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."
"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."
