"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."
"Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love."
"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once."
"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."
"The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new."
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
"The only thing better than singing is more singing."
"The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape."
"The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday."
"There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know."
"There is still no cure for the common birthday."
"Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult."
"This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security."
"To me - old age is always ten years older than I am."
"To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn't wish my teens and 20s on my enemies."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer."
"A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present."
"About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm."
"All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much."
"Being seventy is not a sin."
"Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new."
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."
"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time."
"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
"I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party."
"I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up."
"I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too."
"I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course."