"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
"All men are equal before fish."
"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
"As I get older, I just prefer to knit."
"Be obscure clearly."
"I'm a fun father, but not a good father. The hard decisions always went to my wife."
"If you aren't playing well, the game isn't as much fun. When that happens I tell myself just to go out and play as I did when I was a kid."
"The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new."
"I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course."
"Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she's beautiful but don't have anything to talk about, it's going to get boring fast. You want to look beyond the surface and see if you can have fun or if you have anything in common with this person."